You don’t know how hard it is to find a picture of an insect playing an instrument on google images. No, I don’t want a crude drawing of a grasshopper riding a motorbike, that’s exactly the opposite of what I wanted.

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You Me At Six ”“ The Consequence

Skyscraper high hooks that could net Moby Dick and that fresh, earnest sounding desire to please; it’s a bit like dropkicking a puppy in the face by slagging off bands like You Me At Six (atrocious band name). Despite their wetness, they actually make some half-decent pop-punk, which straddles the line between jumping on the railway tracks, before scrambling over the side before the guard catches them.

We Are The Ocean ”“ (I’ll Grab You By The) Neck Of The Woods

I’ve reviewed these guys before; they’re pretty decent actually, trying to tap into that hole left by Funeral For A Friend, by mixing their soft post-rock noodling alongside Poison The Well-style big riffs and weird, grungy vocal wails (which don’t really work that well) but I suppose make a change from the strained yowl of the lead singer who struggles to make himself heard sometimes. Anyway, solid track.

Day Of The Sirens ”“ Juneifer

A promising start that’s obliterated by the try-hard American-wannabe vocals that seem to have been copied and pasted from about 60 billion other bands that sound exactly like this and THEN they have the audacity to do the big SCREAMY breakdown bit ”“ oh fuck off, I’m totally fed up of this shit now.

Dommin ”“ Dark Holiday

I like the keyboards ”“ reminds me of some baroque rock opera song; can almost imagine the floppy-haired lead singer swinging himself from the rafters like a yodelling miscreant. It’s that morbid gothic sound ”“ more Danzig/Alkaline Trio (when they were really miserable) with (for once) a unique vocal lead, a chilling backing drone, heavy percussion and a confident swagger. Keep an eye on these guys.

Emilie Autumn ”“ Misery Loves Company

Glitch-beats, a smattering of strings, squelching synths, odd bit of pounding techno and grit-your-teeth keyboard shrieks, coupled with that quirky cabaret gloom and some clichéd lyrics = Emilie Autumn. A decent voice, alongside an amalgamation of sounds that shouldn’t really work, but are surprisingly pleasant. For fans of Amanda Palmer, still undecided; kind of wish she’d given the track a different name.

Tiger Please ”“ Without Country

I feel some punctuation has fallen off Tiger Please’s name. Perhaps it should be Tiger? Please! Anyhow, despite the music being pretty standard, (think alt-rock, rising guitar scrawls, scattered percussion, very Hundred Reasons in delivery) the vocals punch through the mix with a degree of age and wisdom, despite the fact Tiger Please’s singer resembles someone who isn’t old enough to buy alcohol. A clawing attempt to capture the spirit of 2002, which I commend.

Survive Atlantica ”“ We’re All Shipwrecked

Someone’s been listening to Brand New. Yes Survive Atlantica, I’m talking about you. In fact, it’s like you’ve stolen the thoughts from Jesse Lacey’s head and crafted them into your own work. Slower passages and a greater emphasis on that rising hum of reverb that’s destined to crash in alongside a painful scream. No original ideas here, although it’s perfectly listenable.

A Hero A Fake ”“ Swallowed By The Sea

Three dudes in this band play guitar = well overkill. Technically impressive, all ‘I can swing my guitar round my head and plant the body into your face, shattering your nose, yet still blast out an awesome riff’; also approve of the lyrics (of what I can hear) “OH GOD I’M SINKING!” ”“ even the clean parts give it potency by not sucking complete arse. Would be interesting to hear what their other material sounds like.

Alesana ”“ To Be Scared By An Owl

Bwahahahahahahaha, fucking jog on you bunch of overcoats.

The Mantra ATSMM ”“ Helder Pedro Moreia

This is a bit like listening to a remix of an old-post rock song backwards; the skipping, shudders at the beginning, the short passages of crashing glitch-noise. Then a new element is introduced – ghostly vocal cries bleed through the smog of conflicting sounds and spiralling beats, only for the reintroduction of some 65daysofstatic riffage to finally finish the listener off. Stunning.

BigElf ”“ Superstar

Trying to recapture the sound of the 70s, BigElf and their beards of power are a step in the right direction. Catchy choruses, cheesy keyboards, psychedelic riffs, steady rhythmic rumble and a sound that brings to mind Slade, Queen, The Beatles and T-Rex, this makes a nice change from the legions of screaming mongs that I have to put up with. Theatrical cock-rock eccentricity done with style and grace.

Rising ”“ Dead Kings

This is actually a lot better than some metal I’ve heard from Scandinavia. Instead of just a bunch of dudes screaming at each other over some sloppy clattering; Rising have decided to actually write a tune; their sound is grime ”“ the bass seems to dominate most of the verses, rustic to the point of collapse, whilst the guitar rings out an ominous screech ever chorus break and the drums feel like a savage blow to the head from a club hammer.

Slomatics ”“ It Won’t Make You Happy

Never had a band been more aptly named. Slomatics take an unhurried approach to their playing, content to sit back and loiter on each note, each distorted drum hit, and each slurred vocal. Christ, with this relaxed attitude, I’m surprised they’re not playing backwards. Stoner-rock gone beyond; flying somewhere in the face of a sluggish, lingering pause and the sound of the Melvins crushing some bass guitars under an industrial press.

Throwdown ”“ The Scythe

Are there any original members left in Throwdown now? This is more of the same; drilling-into-the-earth drumming, the odd flourish on the guitar, but it’s mostly the same stop-start-mosh-break brutality; but vocalist Dave Peters is actually trying to sing now instead of his usual meathead shouting; focusing more on raising his voice above the relentless barrage. Sometimes it works, sometimes not ”“ weird one this.

Annotations Of An Autopsy ”“ Impale The Sun

If you’re a fan of the sounds of someone hacking up a nice phlegm ball and gargling it for about 4 minutes, then chances are you’ll like this you disgusting human being.

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Links

See above. COMING SOON:

Mad Mac – casting his eye at the new music for 2010!
Retrospective (open to suggestions)
Hopeful album review
Amazon Marketplace challenge
Mixtape
Attempting to play Beatles Rock Band after too many beers

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By Ross Macdonald