Cock Rock Monster Breakcore!

You think that's weird, you should see the website (NSFW)Cock Rock Disco – one of the strangest, yet generous independent labels around, catering for all those who love hearing diabolical loud blasts of relentless gabba/break/noise/washing machine falling down the stairs set on fire.

Every time I visit their site a new free download is available. Admittedly, it’s not always to my taste, but there is always some gems buried deep beneath the horde of garish colours and splattered break-beat squeals to keep myself entertained. Their compilations are always great, so thank god for this new one, almost 3 years since the last, which became my summer mixtape back in 2006. ‘Monsters of Cock 2009’ (ho, ho, ho!) is the follow-up and features several artists from the former release as well as a plethora of new acts eager to destroy eardrums with their howling cacophony. Let’s take a look!

1. Captain Ahab – Feel Anymore

It’s like really old-school Prodigy! Think ‘No Good’ but more pink and fluffy, a killer trance chord that burrows its way into your cerebrum (a refuses to leave, setting up several shopping centres, a college and a power plant), an incredibly brief sample of No Age’s ‘Everybody’s Down’ and some uptight vocal chanting that adds an air of haughtiness to a piece of music that is a splattered mash up of rave and pop madness.

2. The Assdroids – Do These Diapers Make Me Look Fat?

What The Assdroids lack in tune they make up for in volume and ‘how many different squealing blasts of noise can we fit into 2 minutes of music?’ It sounds like Lightning Bolt fighting a giant gameboy and for this reason it’s one of the best things I’ve ever heard. Every second is a complete wrong footer of mangled notes, jangled beats, hyperactive roundhouse kicks of fucked-up aggression and techno yapping.

3. Vorpal – Downtime

Taking a different path to save my ears from another bout of aural destruction, is Vorpal who trades blast-beats for some ambient techno, that mixes a lounge jazz vibe with a trippy, dream-like swirl of stop-start drum patterns and bubbling fuzz. Sounds like remixed elevator music.

4. Duran Duran Duran – Year of the Cock

At the opposite end of the musical spectrum to Simon Le Bon is Duran Duran Duran. The splicing of throbbing harsh noise with stabbing, breakbeat patterns and glitchy twists, drags this track up from something that originally sounded like it had been recorded underwater during two all night raves that had been glued together.

5. Nero’s Day At Disneyland – Stately, Wrong

You know that episode of The Simpsons where Homer becomes obsessed with the idea of ‘going to clown college’ and sees everything with clowns or elements of the circus? Well, I imagine this would be playing through his mind had he also consumed Mexican insanity peppers at the same time. Now THAT would be a good episode. Also, I have no idea what this is supposed to be ”“ fucking mental.

6. Next Life – The Meat Office

This is an old track! Shame on you CRD. Still, I have a lot of time for Next Life, whose musical approach is that of technical metal-meets-the Space Harrier theme. There’s enough riffs and metal to appeal to the grunts in black t-shirts and enough electronic violence for the digital hardcore nerds to lap up.

7. Desper – Basics Sessions

Interesting. The distorted cymbal crash reminds me of the drum program you get on casio keyboards ”“ i.e. tacky to the max, but excellent if you’re making bizarre techno. The swirling rise and fall synth wave gives ‘Basic Sessions’ turns my stomach slightly, but isn’t altogether unpleasant. The progressive drum ‘n bass build up near the end is a much better addition.

8. Dev/Null – Rage Template

Elements of this draw to mind a persistently ringing telephone during a high-speed game of Super Mario Brothers, whilst someone plays the drums very loudly in the next room at varying speeds.

9. Food For Animals – Summer Jam (Ricky Rabbit Remix)

The first track with ‘proper vocals’ instead of ambiguous  samples from old films. Food For Animals combine rap with erratic breakcore, which switches from in-your-face bouts of frantic adrenalin, to mellow jazz interludes, only for the pace to be shocked back into gear with another blast of machine-gun beats and hostile lyrical tirades. Ace!

10. Terminal 11 – In Love With You

Confusing to say the least, as the title implies this would have a more softer, ambient tone and not retain the caustic, glitch-ridden beast that has spewed forth. Hard to listen to and aggressively disturbing ”“ imagine a radio on the blink during a storm whilst driving through a glass factory or something.

11. Stunt Rock – An Itemized List Found on My Website, Detailing Reasons Why 95% of Musicians on this Compilation have No Artistic Integrity, Pander to their Audience, Incessantly Glad-Hand their Peers, Act Self-Important, and Have Issues with Their Race and Sexuality

I reckon the title will be longer than my brief analysis. Cocaine references litter this piece of stupid sounding noise as well as the same few piano notes played over and over some trip-hop beats and yet more ‘it sounds like a badly remixed sega mastersystem soundtrack’ for good measure. Incidentally, I don’t hate this, just bemused by it all really. Epic song title though.

12. Otto Von Schirach – Satanic Unicorn Orgy

xD xD xD = rough translation means I find this hilarious. After the metal scream of ‘SATANIC SEX WITH ALIENS!’ The Right Said Fred-lyrical samples kick in, over some campy-techno beats and some sickeningly garbled noises and even a clucking chicken. This continues for about a minute and a half. What the fuck.

13. DJ Donna Summer – Chicken Dance

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha Think a pounding drum beat. Think kazoos. Think ‘The Birdie Song’. Think putting all these together and chucking them in a blender. Outstanding.



Links

Cock Rock Disco
Cock Rock Disco Myspace

By Ross Macdonald

Lizard Hips

Lizard Hips

Junior Vice President of Keep It Fast. In other news: I work in social media, talk about dinosaurs, run a book club and have amazing facial hair. I am also a male man who is still not dead.

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