Has anyone been watching that load of old bobbins called Flashforward on Channel 5? Sweet zombie Jesus, absolutely nothing happened in the last episode, except for the Harold/MILF guy from American Pie 1 and 2 moaning about his death, which is supposed to happen in 6 months time. Quit your bitching, it’s almost as boring as main character (the guy from Shakespeare in Love) and his Christian Bale-deep-voice-intense-stare ‘acting’. Utter crap, but I can’t stop watching. Oh yeah, reviews:

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Converge ”“ Dark Horse

Classic Converge ”“ you’ve got the drums in hardcore punk overdrive, sounding like industrial pistons going 200 times their natural speed, barbaric and extremely dirty guitar strangulation and the irrepressible howl of vocalist Bannon, who sounds like he’s having a shouting match with a vacuum cleaner. This is why they’re the kings of hardcore; with just that right amount of fury and metal to make something that’s truly monstrous.

Baroness ”“ A Horse Called Golgotha

IF I ever decided to take up ‘the drugz’ Baroness would probably be the first band I’d listen to whilst getting baked. Whilst not inherently ultimate-stoner like say Fu Manchu, Nebula, etc. they have that huge crushing grooves alongside their metallic, southern rock flavour, as well as a impressive distorted guitar solo, acoustic guitar plucking and of course that voice which is reminiscent of a god crowing for his minions to march to war.

Pelican ”“ Strung Up From The Sky

Pelican offer up some more instrumental rock and manage to, with its downcast, plodding nature; create the vision of the despondent hopelessness of a wounded soldier, dragging an injured comrade up a hill during some horrific storm. The wailing shriek of the guitars, not to mention the low-end hum of the bass and dead-sounding drumbeats all offer very little respite, but a stunningly morbid piece of music.

Juliette Lewis ”“ Noche Sin Fin

So The Licks have been ditched then for this, which I prefer actually. The bratty, intimidating punk rock sound has been ditched for a more haunting, disjointed, jagged sound with howling guitar effects, an abundance of percussion and a voice that has definitely improved with age ”“ good work; this is the kind of track that swirls with unpredictability and a dangerous edge of confusion.

Flood Of Red ”“ Little Lovers

The last minute is the best bit. The gratuitous usage of layered guitar/keyboard noise and pummelling drums give this track a well needed bit of body, but the vocals need to stop sounding like they’re whining through a recorder by some pre-pubescent; give it some balls man. Pleasant enough in places, but like a disintegrating kipper in others.

Deaf Havana ”“ Another Day In This House

“THIS IS MYYYYY LAAAASSTTT CHANCE TO IMPRESSSSSSSSS” wails Deaf Havana’s Jim Varney-vocalist. It certainly is mate, I’m now 2 minutes through this track and the last 150 seconds better cure cancer or make a copy of Duke Nukem Forever appear in my hands, or I’m writing this off as ‘incredibly fresh-faced but mind-numbingly dull pop-meets-hardcore emo-bullshit that I thought was stopping because everyone was so fucking sick to the back teeth of it.’ Good screaming though.

Horse The Band ”“ Shapeshift

I thought the Nintendo-core had been washed out of Horse the Band after the first minute or so. At one point it sounded like someone farting into a mic at a hardcore show, which then changed to some social retard playing Super Mario 16: Fuck You Peach, I’m Going To The Pub before slowing the first part down and draping this blurred haze of synthesised noise over two people crooning at each other. Strangest song I’ve heard in a long while and the best on this CD to be honest.

Fuck Buttons ”“ Surf Solar (edit)

Try listening to this track whilst choreographing all your movements in slow motion. Whilst it may sound like someone re-tuning a loud radio during a storm, whilst a scratched trance record skips along in the background under the glitching sound of tribal drumming, Fuck Buttons manage to create the kind of resonance that melds together the opposite worlds of noise and house music in one glorious mess.

Tubelord ”“ He Awoke On A Bench In Abergavenny

When in hell did Tubelord start sounding like RayayayayayayayaStantz? They seem to have gone ultra-pop now and twee-to-the-max (i.e. was that a xylophone?) Pleasant ”“ that’s all this is, only really seems to get aggressive in the last half with a nice breakdown and tappy guitar parts.

Cars On Fire ”“ Sharks

These dudes sound a bit like Daniel P Carter’s band, Hexes but with more screaming and less Danny Farkin’ Dyer and channelling a dump-truck load of anger into some nice thick punk rock punches, with a touch of the melody last heard back when Hundred Reasons were good. Solid sounding stuff, great dual vocal interplay between the shouty guy and the melodic guy (although they could be the same person, if so”¦nice!)

Johnny Foreigner ”“ Ghost The Festivals

I’ve noticed that Johnny Foreigner always have that same ‘errrrrr, errrrrrrrrr’ guitar noise (god, my onomatopoeia is appalling) kind of a grinding, jerky sound. Erm”¦so”¦yeah, I mean they sound like an ultra-fast pop-punk band now, that’s channelling that kind of scrawling, low-fi tune that’s a bit Pavement-like, with those high-pitched vocal scream/male-back-and-forth singing that I’ve always had a soft spot for. Pimp.

Latitudes ”“ Antechamber

Move over Pelican, if I wanted the end of the world this is what would be playing as I directed the comet into the sea and flooded all of Earth. This is chilling, desolate and incredibly dense. The muted, Thom Yorke-vocals sound like the last lament of a dying priest, gazing towards the heavens as fire and brimstone rains down upon him. Doomed-post rock never sounded so barren, yet so rich with rasping intensity.

Bury Tomorrow ”“ Evolution Of Self

Promising start, all gang vocals, cries of “AND IN OUR HEARTS, WE STAND TOGETHER!” ”“ That’s brotherhood and unity, staple diet of good hardcore, though this paddles in the waters of metalcore and the melodic vocal lead on the chorus saps the impact somewhat. For something that started off quite battered and world weary, this seems a bit squeaky clean.

Five Finger Death Punch ”“ Burn It Down

Band tries to drag nu-metal back into 2009 and being a massive hypocrite my feelings are they shouldn’t have bothered; because this is so cliché ridden I don’t know where to start. An absolute rotting pig cock of a song.

Skeletonwitch ”“ Repulsive Salvation

This is confusing ”“ the Dani Filth vocals, punk rock drumming, slight-black metal guitar and leaden rhythmic pound seem kind of out of place, but tie together quite well. The song? Something about eating flesh, so it’s probably about cannibalism or some other horror-related guff; scrappy, odd change of pace with the breakdown which makes them sound like a Bridge 9 hardcore act being fronted by the cookie monster ”“ the bastards stole my idea!

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Links

Scroll up mother-truckers. COMING SOON:

BYO Records Let Them Know Review
El Bronx Review
Mad Mac 7:  So Very, Very Tired
Brand New ‘Daisy’ Reivew
Titanic Vs Mech-Godzilla

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By Ross Macdonald