1) If you just brought a new skateboard you are guaranteed to perform a “face plant” within 20 seconds of skating on it.
2) Someone I know many years ago managed to get into the school rugby team, but then had his testicles twisted “beyond repair” in his first game.
3) If you won a brand new car, it would probably implode with your family in it just for being so lucky!
Wonder where this is going? Well after years of moving around rainy England I made the decision to move in with my girlfriend and finally move 95% of my stuff from my parents.
But while I have been moving everything out thinking how grand this will be, terror was waiting… That terror was in the form of… Old CDs!!!
Oh yes everybody holds some strange dark secrets but here are my top 3 that I found:
3) Offspring: Pretty Fly (For a White Guy) single:
Now this is a true gem, this really sums up when I was 13 and The Offspring where thought of as “punk Gods”. This CD has a strange shitter version of the same song with a smug business man type voice spitting the words, ‘uh-huh’ over your angry face.
This song strangely wants me to go back in time and destroy the smug man’s father (who is possibly smug as well,) so he doesn’t father the smug offspring sponge!
2) Hip Hop and rocking the house:
Here is prime evidence that 18 years ago I was shaking my backside to some sweet 90’s hip hop! I do remember that this is not a CD to laughed at or to be used as a dogs humping toy.
The highlight has to be the Thunderbirds remix, this really is a face melter and I would not be surprised if it won endless awards with its Tribal mixed puppet quotes. MC Hammer eat your trousers off!
1) Mr Blobby: The Blobby song:
Now this really is a shit. I remember getting this when I was very young and yes I did love it more then my pet hamsters. This CD however has dated to a point of gangsters now using this tune as a torture device. A real ear bleeder as the CD grinds along in your player like its a carriage to the grim afterlife.
But if you are one of those very few that are obsessed with Mr Blobby there are some dark pleasures with this single. Not only is the famous blobby floating around on the top of the CD with lyrics in the back, but the last track is dark and dangerous!
The track is about 10 seconds long and really sounds like Mr Blobby taking a hit of crack from all those pennies he was making at the time:
For those who don’t know who this devil in disguised was, here is the video to the hit single:
So now I have blessed these CDs anybody want to buy one so I can afford my next meal?